all the no’s before the yes. despite the bad apples that were tossed my way, or better yet that i chose to pick up, i have found the golden apple.
i have been through the smooth talker, the looker, the charmer, but i have never been with the normal one. the one that you don’t have a name for except-boyfriend.
the smooth talker, probably the one who left me so damaged made me believe that love was all about having the upper hand. whoever loved the other more was more vulnerable, was the stupid one-as you can tell that was me. i loved too much, he was my first love. the one that you get truly be yourself with, there are no rules of texting too much or don’t call, you haven’t learned that yet. the lies were turned into manipulative accusations against me… how did love turn into fighting back? i was locked out of my building with nothing but my pajamas at 2 am in the morning, waiting for our argument to settle down so that he would let me back in. that was what i expected out of love. as you know, that didn’t work out.
i fell for a “friend” who was with someone for the longest time and had a rough patch because the love of his life, decided that he wasn’t hers. she found “comfort” in his friend. we talked and played, but honestly, i was infatuated with the idea of him. we didn’t really know each other, we jumped into something called a relationship, but it was doomed from the start. he didn’t turn out to be the boy that i dreamed he would be-that is my fault.
then the classic charmer. he would enchant me with lines like “i thought you were beautiful, the day i met you” i never asked you out because “i thought i didn’t have a chance” you know, that guy. the guy who you think is going to carry you out of your dating rut. the guy that i thought i wanted, needed. after charming me with his misguided words and heavy instigation from his friends, i was tricked. he realized i wasn’t easy, and left. without a word, without an explanation. he was gone faster than he could think up of an excuse.
after all of this mess, i figured i was doing something wrong. that i was attracting all the wrong guys because of something i did, but i was wrong again. i found him despite all of love’s let downs. despite all the odds working against me, he was there. I’m not saying he isn’t the looker or a charmer or any of that, but i am saying that he is the balance of all the wrongs with the rights. he’s who I’ve been looking for, i was just looking in the wrong places before.